Clutter

Clutter besieges me. It is all around me. In my room. My mind. My heart. The room I can clean. My mind I can bring into moments of focus, but not for long. My heart is another matter. Have I strayed that far from God. I feel as though my heart and spirit is tie-dyed. So many things swirling around that no one color is discernable. And not a pretty tie-dye. One of pale browns, greens, mustards. It all just mixes and convolutes into this strange quagmire that cannot be easily defined. Such is the substance of my being right now. I cannot make out all that is going on in me. I beg for change in my life yet the things that need changing are like the colors, I just can’t make them out. No matter how hard I look or how hard I try, it remains out of focus. The clutter is discouraging. So much is circling through my mind and heart, it makes even writing difficult. There are words I want to get out, thoughts and feelings I want to express but they just get tangled in the undergrowth that is my heart and mind. And it seems I can’t find a machete to hack my way through. Maybe a more delicate, careful navigation through the scrub is required. Moving slowly, deliberately. Working through one bush, one tree, one tangle at a time; so as not to become overwhelmed by the scope of the journey. I have planted some of this, ok much of this, underbrush my self and now I must be the one to clear it out. Not completely alone, but they are issues I must face and deal with. So, in I go.