The plan for my life

I have been struggling with what God wants me to do with my life lately. You know school choices, where to live, what career to pursue, am I supposed to be dating anyone right now and if so who. All of these questions had been plaguing me for sometime. Ask some of my friends and they will tell you of my many consultations with them for wisdom or advice. Finally one night while lying in bed I broke down and asked God “Hey God, Ben here. What is your plan for my life? I don’t want to know the rest of the story right now, but the next couple of years in your plan wouldn’t kill ya would it?” So God more or less told me “alright here it is, if you really want to know I’ll tell you.”

I couldn’t believe I was going to find out. How much easier life will be I thought, this will most certainly solve my problems and make the decision making easier. So here is what he said, “Follow me.” That’s it!! No glorious plan filled with details? I was like “Hey God that’s all well and good but I want names, dates, specifics.” But to my dismay it was not to be. Is he trying to tell me that life will be getting more challenging and I just need to trust him to make it through? Could it be that God just has a sense of humor and is toying with me? I have no clue, although I hope he is not into messing with my mind just for the heck of it. I know I will be super busy with work and school and ministry next semester, so is this his way of providing encouragement? Basically I have no clue. But I know what I must do. Follow him. Easier said then done. So that is the grand plan for my life, as much as he has told me. But I’m OK with that, I think. If I knew everything now, would there be any need for faith? No, and faith is most definitely necessary in this walk we call a relationship with the Father and Son. So I will follow, no matter how hard it is or how much it kills me to not know, I must follow. There is no other choice.

Lead Climbing Life

I recently reached a milestone in my climbing career. I did my first lead climb while climbing on Mt. Lemon last Saturday. A lead climb means that the rope is below me not above, so if I fall I fall farther. It also means that I don't have anything to hang from if I need a rest. One other thing about lead climbing is that the belayer (person who keeps me from falling too far) can’t help pull me up like if I was top roped. Its all on me, he still makes sure I don’t fall too far and die but he isn’t helping me get up the rock as much. Blah blah blah you say, what does that have to do with anything? I failed two classes this semester and I’m debating whether I should go to school full time next semester or move out and only take one class. This would certainly ease the tensions in my relationship with my parents but would slow the whole graduation from college thing down quite a bit. It feels like God is having me lead climb life right now. He wants me to know that if I fall He’ll still catch me, but I am not going to get that comforting, reassuring pull up. I’m not doubting that He is here for me, but I just feel a little nervous and stressed about the fact that I’m no longer top roped and quite so secure, but that I’m going ahead of Him, hoping all the while that I’m following His path and not my own. I’m sure that this is all part of me maturing spiritually but it is a hard part. Please pray for me if you think about it. Hopefully I’ll reach the top of the rock before falling too far or too many times.

My Psalm

You are my God, O LORD most high.
I know You have a plan for my life, as I am your chosen and beloved.
All that I want, my God, is to know Your plan.
I wish to know Your true and holy will for my life.
My heart’s desire is to know and follow your will.
I know that the sacrifices will be great
but I know that the heavenly rewards will be even greater.
I am willing, use me. I am ready, send me.
I know that Your desire for me is to follow after you.
LORD that is my desire as well, to follow after You.
As You lead me on in this new area of life,
All that I ask is that You would show me where to go and how to get there.
Show me where to go and how to get there and I will follow you plan.
I know You will not leave me unattended or alone,
but that Your Holy Spirit will be there, guiding and comforting me as I go.